Brad Chandler shares how loving yourself can lead to genuine happiness and free your life from anxiety and stress.
Brad Chandler, purpose filled coach and previous real estate mogul, join us on the podcast this week. Today the words anxiety, stress, and worry are thrown around like completely normal ways of life. Brad Chandler is here to tell you that by loving yourself and eliminating the things that cause stress and anxiety in your life, you can find happiness. We go over whether money leads to happiness and how money can alter the definition of happiness for you. We also dive into questions that everyone should be asking themselves about where they find their happiness. Join in to hear Brad's story and learn from his before it's too late to change yours.
Brad first got introduced to real estate when he read a book in 9th grade on how to buy houses. In 2002, an investor bought his neighbor's house in Vienna Virginia and after talking with the investor he decided to start Express Homebuyers. 20 years later Express Homebuyers has bought and sold 4,000 homes across the country and runs primarily without his involvement. Brad's main focus is making an impact on the team members and the clients they serve by providing a customized solution that best addresses the client's individual needs. In early 2021 he went through a major life transformation and found freedom and happiness through self-love. In 2022, because of the profound shift, he felt obligated to share this path with others and started Brad Chandler Coaching.
BRAD'S SOCIALS
LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lbradchandler/
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/brad.chandler1
BRAD'S WEBSITE
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Today the words anxiety, stress, and worry are thrown around like completely normal ways of life. Brad Chandler is here to tell you that by loving yourself and eliminating the things that cause stress and anxiety in your life, you can find happiness. We go over whether money leads to happiness and how money can alter the definition of happiness for you. We also dive into questions that everyone should be asking themselves about where they find their happiness. Join in to hear Brad's story and learn from his before it's too late to change yours.
I can't wait to introduce you to our guest in this episode, Mr. Brad Chandler. I know Brad as a highly successful real estate investor but he has gone through a transformational journey and he's going to dive deep into that. He was a man that didn't even know he was suffering but through his son and some different challenges he had going on with his son, he got introduced to a couple that helped him go through some trauma and suffering. Those months have been this absolute transformational experience for him, bringing much more clarity, happiness, identity, and purpose into his life. You are going to want to know that. He's also coaching others to experience the same thing and have that freedom he has had.
Before I get to Brad Chandler, make sure you guys apply for the new Men's Awakening Retreat that's coming up in 2023, March 13th through the 16th. If you're a business owner looking for a deepening of your identity and faith in the Lord, plus this deeper connection with other like-minded guys, we are going to be at the Zion Red Rock from March 13th through the 16th, 2023. Tickets are going fast so make sure you guys go to www.IronDeep.com. I would love to see you apply.
I'll chat with you directly on that to see if you're a good fit for this Men's Awakening. This is a small group. We do maybe 30 to 35 guys or so, 40 max. You guys are not going to miss the Men's Awakening from March 13th through the 16th, 2023. Go over to our YouTube Channel and check it out. We put out a new video about the loneliness of male business leaders so check that out. Are you lonely? A lot of us are. We did a reflection video on the loneliness of male business leaders. It's also on our website. I want to introduce you to Mr. Brad Chandler.
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I had the guest for this episode, Brad Chandler, from Express Homebuyers and Brad Chandler Coaching. What's going on, Brad?
I’m loving life. It’s another day.
I love your shirt, “Love yourself.” We're going to talk a little bit about that. I love to interview entrepreneurs that are making an impact. They have a purpose in this world. You are digging deep into that. We know each other from the Mastermind group, Collective Genius. You've been a real estate investor since 2002. You’re a little bit longer than most of the guests I've had. You flipped around 4,000 homes, which is crazy.
I remember the very first Collective Genius I went to. You were on stage. I looked up to your business and was like, “This guy is awesome. He’s crushing it.” You’ve had some challenges along the way that we’ve seen and you’ve broken through that. We’re going to talk about your journey with that. Let's start with this. Who is Brad Chandler?
Brad Chandler was put on this Earth to help people end suffering. After processing my suffering, I realized that so much of the suffering in this world is self-inflicted. It's these crazy thoughts. What I do is help people who are struggling with pretty much anything, whether it's relationships, health, or some type of addiction like eating, drinking, working, gambling, or shopping too much. Life doesn't have to be a struggle. Those have been the most magical, amazing years, months, weeks, and days of my life. I want to give the same gift I was able to get. I went through a proven process. I want to give that to the folks out there that are suffering and struggling.
I asked that question and was always amazed by the responses. With that, you didn't say anything about a successful real estate entrepreneur or businessman. You’re put on this Earth to help people with their suffering and have them have that transformational process, which is amazing. Let's talk about this. Take me back to years ago when I met you. You were at the top of your game.
Bring us up to the challenge because you hit a spot of maybe the bottom. I don't know. Maybe you can explain that but talk to us about this journey. When I saw Brad Chandler, I was like, “He has it all. He's flipping thousands of homes so much money.” You talked about your boat, traveling, getting your yacht, and big homes. From the outside, Brad Chandler looked like he is the man. He has everything.
Isn't that what the world is? It's a mirage for the most part. You see all these people on social media talking about their great relationships and we know those people behind the scenes. Their relationships are terrible. Years ago, I assure you, I wasn't at the top of my game. Was I making money? Did I think I was happy? Did I think I had self-love? Yeah. Did I tell everyone that I didn't care about what other people thought? Yeah. Was it the truth? No. It was all untrue.
That's the cause of most suffering in the world. Individuals are living under these untruths we formed through childhood trauma or stress. When a six-year-old does something bad, what does a six-year-old say? “I'm bad.” At 47 years, you're still living with the “I'm bad” because your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between 6 and 46. It's for your survival. It doesn't want to know the time. It wants you to remember when the lion tried to bite you when you were six years old.
You live in these untruths. I was telling myself those untruths. I went to get my son help for his severe anxiety. Why does he have severe anxiety? If you're reading this and you have a child that has behavioral problems, the first place you need to look is yourself and the other parent. I promise you, there's a 99% chance you're the cause of it. Why did my son have anxiety? It was because of me and his mother. I went to get him help for anxiety.
This lady, Annie, I was on a Zoom call with. Within the first five minutes, she goes, “You have a tick.” I'm like, “What is she talking about?” She's like, “You blink profusely when you talk about your childhood. You may have some unresolved childhood trauma. Do you want to come out and work with my husband, who's an ex-Navy SEAL? He has this intensive program in Park City.” I said, “Sure.” I came out there and brought Bradford.
In a three-hour session, we looked at my childhood, the stresses, traumas, meanings, and stories that I placed. It's not exactly but the meaning around, “I did something bad. I must be bad. I'm not worthy.” We turn those stories around. Through neuroplasticity and neural reprogramming, you can grow new neural pathways in your brain. I told myself the truth.
What's the truth? The truth is, “I am enough. I am worthy. I don't need to prove anything to anybody. I don't care what people think. Not from a calisthenic point but it doesn't matter what people think because I know I'm worthy and I don't have to prove anything.” That's when everything in my life changed.
Talk about the top of your game. I'm at the top of my game and it has nothing to do with money. I thought the yachts, million dollars, flipping of the house, and being on stage had brought you happiness. Nothing outside yourself can ever bring you happiness, nor should it ever bring you sadness. Everything you have ever needed you to be happy.
When you start talking about your children, I start thinking about my children and my childhood. I have a child that has some of those tendencies of anxiety. It's funny when he does something wrong behaviorally and he might get disciplined for that. The first thing he says is, “I'm bad. I'm not a good boy.” It took me back. I started to think about my fatherhood or his mother. You went on this three-hour journey with Annie and her husband, Larry. He wrote a book which I have about what leadership is. What are some of the things that you discovered about yourself? That's going from 0 to 100 fast. During that intense session, what are some things that you discovered about you?
It's the same thing that probably everyone needs to discover. We're brought into this world as an image of God as this perfect child. The only two fears we were born with are the fear of falling and loud noises. Everything else is learned. We're brought into this world as these perfect creatures. We are put with imperfect parents who are trying to do their best with their parents and their parent’s parents. It’s a multi-generational curse. No one woke up and said, “I’m going to mess up my child.” They do the best they can.
The thing is your subconscious mind drives 90% of your behavior. Everyone has behaviors that they don't even know why they're having them. What we do is go and tap into the subconscious mind. We figured out, ‘What are the stories I told myself about my traumas?” Those stories were, “This is happening to me because something's wrong with me. I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy, enough, and lovable.” Those were pretty much it. That helped me.
My brain did exactly what it was supposed to. It gave me the reason why I was going through it. If you have a reason, then you can get through it. If you're a six-year-old kid and you're like, “Why is this happening to me,” you got to come up with a reason to justify why it's happening to you. Your brain did its job. The problem is at 46 when you're still telling yourself those stories, they're not true.
People sometimes live to be 80 or 90 years old and never figure this out, like the billionaire who committed suicide. Look at all the princes of the world, Michael Jackson, Johnny Cash, and Marilyn Monroe. These people had fame and money more than they ever knew what to do. Did it bring them happiness, fulfillment, or peace? No. Why were they so unhappy? It’s because of the stories they were telling themselves in their head. Were those stories true? No, they were false.
It's all about getting to the truth. You cannot suffer if you live your life in the truth. The truth is you are enough just as you are. You always were enough. You always will be enough. Stop telling yourself the crappy stories of, “Something's wrong with me. I'm not enough. I can't get what I want. I don't belong. I can't connect.”
The only reason you feel that way is because of your imperfect parents, imperfect caregivers, neighbor, or schoolmate who bullied you. All of those people were imperfect. It was never about you. It was always about their shortcomings and how they felt about themselves that made you feel the way you do. You don't need to feel that way because it's not the truth.
I love that you're talking about the false and the lies we tell ourselves. The world is telling us this false identity. That's what we talk a lot about with our new ministry, the Iron Deep. We're living in that false identity. You were chasing certain things. You started your business to make a lot of money and prove yourself. You found yourself chasing to maybe make yourself feel better to prove yourself to something but maybe you couldn't quite get there. Talk to us about that because a lot of guys fall into that trap. We're always chasing and never quite getting to the destination.
We try to get what we want but we set traps that force us to never get what we want. I was always thinking that there was something out there that was going to make me happy. I started a realty team in 2008. Do you know what my goal was, Brett? It’s to be the first agent team to ever sell $1 billion worth of real estate. If I could sell $1 billion worth of real estate, my subconscious mind would be like, "You might be worth something." Did I wake up one day and say that? No. It was all my subconscious brain.
For 47 years of my life, I was chasing external things to make me happy. Nothing outside yourself can make you happy. I get in this argument discussion with so many people because every single day of the year, I post an inspirational video about how you find freedom and happiness. I'll take pictures or videos of yachts. I'll say, “Do you think these people on yachts are any happier than the person that got a bucket of chicken at KFC?” There are a lot of people that say, “You're right.” There are a lot of people that say, “No, you have no idea what you're talking about. Money does bring happiness.”
Money brings happiness up to a certain point. $80,000 is the number or somewhere around there. After that, it doesn't bring you any more happiness. Whether you have $81,000 or $8.1 million, it doesn't make a difference. All of these people you're talking about that are chasing something, you're never ever going to get it. You're chasing it because you're trying to fill a hole inside yourself that is empty so you're not enough.
What do you have to do? You got to keep putting more money, booze, women, gambling, and poker chips into this hole. It will never fill until you can realize that it's nothing external that will ever bring you happiness. No woman, man, boat, car, or whatever brings you happiness. You have it. You get that by living in the truth and untelling yourself these lies you've been telling yourself your whole life.
Do you want to know why your relationship sucks? It has nothing to do with your communication with your wife or your husband. It has to do with how you feel and how you connect with yourself. That is why your marriage or relationship sucks. You don't have a connection with yourself because you're telling yourself these lies.
Take us back to your story or journey. You were talking to Annie on the phone or Zoom about your son. A lot of times, men hit this point of desperation. Maybe there's something they're addicted like alcohol, drugs, women, or pornography, whatever it is. Maybe their wife finds something out about them and they hit this point of desperation but yours seems wasn't like that. You didn't even go to Annie for yourself. Was there a point at the bottom for you? You didn't even know any of this about yourself until you had that conversation.
It's going to lead me to some insightful information. No, there was no rock bottom because if we had this show years ago, we were talking about real estate, and you said, “Brad, are you happy,” I'd be like, “I'm happy. I got a boat. I'm cruising up and down the intercoastal waterway. My ex-wife left me but that's okay. I'm dating a bunch of people, drinking, and getting high every night on the boat. Life is amazing. The money is coming in.” I didn't know.
To escape prison, the first thing you have to know is know that you're in prison. You can't escape prison if you don't know you're in prison. I didn't know I was in prison. Through God, giving me my son and his struggles, I was able to learn that I was in prison. It’s similar to if we're questioning if you're an alcoholic. There's a series of questions you can ask like, “How alcohol has impacted your life?” Let's stick with self-love.
You're reading this and you're like, “I love myself. I'm so happy.” “I'm going to ask you a couple of questions. Do you find yourself constantly judging other people? Do you judge yourself? Do you have negative self-talk? Are you in a state of anxiety? Are you irritated? Do you always have to be right? Do you have any self-destructive behaviors? Do you eat, drink, or gamble too much? Do you watch too much porn? Are you smoking too much weed?” It’s any self-destructive behavior. I could go on and on.
Your relationship is a great point to look at. “Have your relationships been good? Are you in a deeply committed relationship?” If the answer is yes, go home tonight and ask your partner. Do they agree? Say, “Do you think we're in a deeply connected and committed relationship where we're vulnerable and we have each other's interest at heart?” If the answer is no, you've got these external things you're struggling with too.
There was no rock bottom for me. It was going to get my son's help that I realized there is so much more to life. I didn't even know where possible. The thing is they keep getting better. If this is the journey of life, and I'm holding out my hands 1 foot apart, in those first couple of weeks or days, I went from here to here. I've closed the gap to about 2 inches.
For the rest of my life, the journey is to close that gap for the last 2 inches but those last 2 inches are amazing. Every day is amazing. I don't have a bad day anymore. When my ex-wife walked out on me in the middle of COVID in April 2020, I thought it was terrible. I look back and it was one of the better things that happened to me.
That's a perfect example of how can anyone say their life is bad or something bad happens. I get in a car accident. I go to the emergency room. Maybe I change someone's life there. Maybe I will meet someone who's going to be an investor in my next company. I don't know. I don't look at anything as bad anymore because it's all part of the story in God's plan for me. It's all meant for me to learn something.
I love that you talked about closing the gap because you started explaining all those things. We can all relate to something on that list. It's not about being perfect but it's about closing that gap, trying to get better at those, and growing in those areas every day. I love what you tell us about asking your deeply connected partner. If you have a wife or a spouse, ask them what they think.
Was that part of something of your journey, asking someone else what they're thinking, getting their perspective on people that know you most, especially the people inside of your home? You can be a different person out in the world, on stage, or in a networking group but then at home, that's where the rubber hits the road. Was that part of your journey, asking another perspective of people that are close to you?
Here's how that came up. I asked someone whom I knew didn't have a deeply connected relationship because I've seen them and they said they did. I go, “Maybe tonight you should go home and ask your wife. Does she agree you have a deeply connected relationship? I know the answer is going to be no.”
We talked about faith on this show and you mentioned God a couple of times. Has that been a part of your journey through this? Talk to us about that. How has that impacted you? I don't know where you were on that before this transformational journey.
I was attending a Bible-based church before. I grew up Catholic and then I switched to Episcopalian. God has always been in my life but nowhere near as big a part as he is now. Once I made that transformation, the way everything came together, me meeting Annie and Larry, the person who put us in contact, all of these crazy things happened. Someone in Mexico introduced me to someone I knew. It's convoluted. It's crazy how all of this stuff fell in place and continues to fall in place.
There's hardly a day that goes by where I don't chuckle because something doesn't work out for me. I've been more connected to God. I've seen his work. I do go to church though and I see all of these struggling people. For some people, going to church, being saved, and changing their life works but for a vast majority of people, it doesn't. I look around the crowd and I can tell people are struggling. If you want to be deeper connected to God, you've got to have a deeper connection with yourself. That's what I do. I help people get a deeper connection to themselves so that they can be deeply connected to God. Amazing stuff has happened.
You talked about getting radically honest. That's one term I use quite a bit. That's hard to do because you talk about the subconscious a lot. A lot of times, we don't even think about our behavior in this particular way because it's in our subconscious. Radical honesty is getting radically honest with ourselves, God, and other people. It sounds like that's something you've had to do because a lot of times, we're not radically honest. We tell ourselves that story. Would you agree with that? What are some ways you've had to get radically honest with yourself through this transformation, even after those three-hour sessions?
The truth shall set you free is so true. The truth can be hard. To find freedom, you've got to live in the truth. I'm going to give you an example of a relationship. I have been in intimate relationships since my transformation. My intimate relationships have included some pull and push periods, which is I feel closer to them, and then something happens, and I pull back. That's more normal because I believe my other relationships were more of a codependency type where I found the person.
She fit my traumas perfectly. I didn't know that and it was like, “I can't get enough of this person.” I don't need another woman to complete me. I'm looking for a woman to make the 1 plus 1 equals three. In my relationship, I've had some of those pullback moments and I've shared those. Can you imagine some of the people in the world that would go to their wife or their spouse and say, “I'm not feeling that deep connection as I did a week ago? I'm feeling like I'm pulling back.” Some of my ex-girlfriends would've been like, “Screw you. I'm out of here. Leave.”
It was hard for me to say that but it was the truth. If I didn't say it, I would suffer. I said it and we talked about it. It was an opportunity for us to become closer. In my relationship, I welcome conflict. Whereas in the past, conflict would've ended in a fight where I didn't talk to my wife or I didn't touch her. I didn't feel close to her for three days because she challenged me. I would throw it back on her and it would become a mess.
Now, I welcome conflict because conflict is an opportunity. Anytime you feel some type of negative emotion inside of you, there's something that you have not solved inside of yourself. I welcome those opportunities because they're always growth opportunities. Why am I feeling anxious? I'm not feeling anxious but I'm giving you an example. I don't beat myself up about it like I used to. Why am I feeling sad? I pause and identify the emotion. “I am feeling sad.” Not, “I am sad,” but, “I'm feeling.” When you say, “I am sad,” that's identifying you and an identity stick is feelings come and go. I identify the emotion and then I give myself compassion for it.
It's a whole different gamut. Everything is different in my life. Telling the truth is hard but like riding a bike, the more you do it, the easier it gets because you get more confidence. When you tell the truth and have these tough conversations with your spouse or partner, you will find that they bring you closer together if you're in a relationship with someone who wants to grow. You can take that to the next tough conversation and say, “This is going to be tough but it's going to result in a deeper connection with myself and my partner.”
I do this too. I've found patterns of this as we flee from conflict. I'm a people pleaser by nature. We ignore it. Instead of facing my spouse, we'll not face each other in the bed or something like that. We won't talk to each other. Anxiety is such a huge thing. People never talk about it. With the mental illness of anxiety, people are feeling that but a lot of times, we just say, “I have to deal with it. I don't know why I'm anxious.” You're saying, “We got to face that and figure out, ‘Why am I anxious?’”
No one should be anxious, stressed, or depressed. Can you show me a two-year-old who has anxiety or depression? It doesn't exist. They're all learned behaviors. Western medicine wants to identify, label you, and then give you drugs. That's not the solution. The solution is you got to go to the core of the pain. What is causing your suffering, whether it's mental suffering or physical suffering? The only way you fix that is by going to the source of the pain. That's what I do. I go to the source of the pain and fix the source so you don't have to live with this anxiety, stress, and depression.
You’ve gone through this transformational process and you're still closing the gap on that. You are teaching other people this. This has been so impactful for you. You've transitioned your entire life and your business. You still own Express Homebuyers and do some real estate but you're not even in it as much. You're focused on Brad Chandler Coaching and teaching other people this. Talk to us about that.
It's my passion and purpose. I've been fortunate to study under some of the world's best teachers. I have put together the best from each of those 3 or 4 people I've studied under. I have a proven five-week program. Sometimes, the major transformation comes in session three. I became a certified hypnotherapist. We employ hypnosis as part of the program. It's not what most people think. The entertainment is where someone's on stage running around and people laughing at them.
It's a deep state of relaxation where you can access your subconscious mind, which drives all your behavior. I've had some clients go from severe OCD tendencies and in three sessions, they're gone. You don't have to suffer or go to your local talk therapist every Tuesday morning at 9:30 for the next twenty years to get this to work. I have been one of those people who did go to therapy for 30 years and went to countless marriage therapy sessions. It didn't work.
Talk therapy works for some people but it doesn't work for most because you're talking on a conscious level. It's not your conscious mind that creates these behaviors. Your conscious mind isn't making you go drink and smoke a bunch of weed every day. That's your unconscious mind trying to cover up the pain of your childhood.
You have Brad Chandler Coaching. If they're suffering and cracking into their subconscious mind, you're coaching people through that. I want to ask you a couple of last questions here. If you could talk to Brad Chandler, the guy I saw on stage, what would you want to say to him?
I'd say, “You're enough. You don't have to prove anything. You're a fine human being.”
It might be the same answer but the person reading is resonating with them. What would you want to say to them?
The most important thing is to know that no matter where you are in your life if you're struggling or suffering in any way, shape, or form, it's not the way that it has to be. If you've said you've tried everything, you haven't tried everything because there is a better way. There is a proven method to improve your relationships, health, business, or child's behavior. Whatever is suffering, there's a way.
It all begins with, “I've got the awareness that I do judge myself a lot. I do always want to be right. I do drink too much. Something isn't right internally. I've got to take that first step.” It doesn't matter if you work with me. All I want is to get you help. Go find someone who can get you help, who has been on the path, and has gotten to where you want to be. Talk with that person. There’re clergy people and therapists that can help you. There are coaches. If I can help you, you can reach out to me at BradChandler.com.
Just know that whatever you're going through, you don't have to suffer. You are put here to be in deeply connected relationships that are thriving. You were put here to live a peaceful, happy, and fulfilled life. You have a huge purpose in life. It's hard to find your purpose when you're struggling to find your identity. Once you stop telling yourself those lies and you find self-love and self-compassion, it's way easier to find your purpose in life.
I love what you said there. It's hard to find your purpose. We hear about purpose all the time. “Live out that purpose-driven life. You have to have a purpose. Find your purpose and calling.” It is hard to find your purpose if you don't know your identity. I'm going to take that. That's awesome. Where can someone find out about Brad Chandler Coaching?
It’s at BradChandler.com. I put out a social media message every single day across all the platforms. If you want to connect with me there, go to BradChandler.com/Contact. It has my cell phone number, all of my social media, and my email. I'm here to help you. We're all one. Whatever you're suffering, I am a part of that. If I can help you in any way, shape, or form, reach out.
I love what you're doing. It is much needed. Look around at what's happening in the world. We need more help because there are a lot of people suffering and causing a lot of other suffering in the world. Thank you, Brad, for being on the show. It's been a blast, Brad. Thank you so much.
Thank you.
