SEX - Sex is a topic nobody wants to talk about, but everyone faces in one way or another.
Sex can be a taboo topic, but sex is actually a great and beautiful thing when dealt with appropriately. Sex is designed by God to be a blessing, when done in the proper way. Sex is like a fire in a fireplace. When it's burning in the right parameters, it's wonderful. But when fire breaks out of a fireplace, it can burn the whole house down and everyone inside.
That fire burning outside of the fireplace happens when sex comes under the control of Lust. Lust, is a twisted and never-ending appetite that never satisfies and leaves us trapped and desolate. Lust is deceptive, and tricks us into pursuing things in the wrong way. As we pursue the perverted paths of lust, we not only destroy ourselves, but our wives, our children, and really, our whole world can burn to the ground. INCLUDING OUR BUSINESSES.
As men, many of us can be tempted by lust on a regular basis. So how do we deal with the attacks of lust and remain on a healthy path? That's what we'll dig into in this episode. Listen as Brett & Michael dissect and explore this topic of the traps of lust and the beautiful blessings of sex done the right way.
This is Brett Snodgrass with the Iron Deep podcast today we're going to talk about Sex... Period!
What's going on this is another episode of The Iron Deep podcast Brett Snodgrass here and with my bald brother Michael Stansbury what's going on Baldi?
Happy to be bald I've been bald for 20 years now and nothing's going to change it nothing's going to change it but yeah doing great looking forward to I know these uh people watch these at different times of the year but we're going into Christmas time just past Thanksgiving so yeah things are good how are you sir?
I'm doing fantastic man everyone uh everyone of the family at Snodgrass house is is rock and rolling getting ready to take my 10-year-old son on a little trip this weekend with my wife and uh spent some time celebrating him and his his entering into uh 10-year-old double digits right so uh we're getting ready to do that but uh everybody everyone's really well man so uh I'm excited about this particular episode so I want to kind of give the audience a little Glimpse kind of going to this new year so I love these types of episodes where me and Michael really just to get to talk deep into a particular topic and that's what we're going to be doing we're still going to be doing some interviews really talking into uh men and business owner men and leaders and we're going to be interviewing some guys that that has some I've had some amazing interviews lately um just how to help you all grow going into 2024 the year where actually going into right now and then me and Michael are going to be talking deeper into certain topics and today is one of those days and we're going to be talking about a topic that I love I mean I love talking about sex. Mr Michael Stansbury I love sex. Right um and I can say that as a as a Christian man because sex is good and it's God designed and it's God ordained and it is a beautiful it's just a beautiful thing between a man and a woman that are married I mean such a beautiful one of the most intimate most beautiful things that me and my wife can do together that I can't do with anyone else is have sex with each other and it can be the most beautiful thing and it can also be the most hurtful the most destructive if I think about the most Brokenness uh destructive behaviors if my in my own life or in other men's lives a lot lot of that stem from lust sexual immorality very hurtful relationships broken marriages broken uh and just this this this you know thing that that these men feel so the most beautiful the most destructive and we're g to dig into it today. um so Michael you got any feedback on that before we get started man?
So you're you're right it's um um sex is like a a good fire in a fireplace you know and it's but it's something that if you don't um take care of and men well it can be totally destructive and um I think it's interesting uh for us two guys who who are business owners and we're going to be talking about this topic I I think when you and I were growing up I don't know if you ran into this a lot but you know if your parents um did a good job of of communicating to you why you know God's design for sex you were you you've got a lot of great there um and you know as as you as you went through your life if you understood some of these some of these biblical principles um you were blessed but we'll get guys uh and other people um you know that will that will get on this that will hear this message and they they've never been um they've never run into uh Hey the what the what the design is why why it is the way it is so I'm really interested in diving deep on on on lust and um you know how destructive it can be but really how where where should where should that be channeled to and how do you um if you if you have tripped up uh if you've given in a Temptation or maybe your knee deep in in in just a horrible sin okay what where's the comeback uh how how do we uh you know what what is the message that you need to hear so I'm I'm loving the fact that we're going to deep into that today.
Yeah yeah no I love what what you talked about just as parents I know a lot of dads out there is just you know what does it even look like to have that healthy conversation with your family about sex or even even your wife I mean there's so many topics you can talk about with your wife but there's certain topics that even talking to your wife could be felt very uncomfortable and this is a topic that people feel very uncomfortable just even communicating about sex even with the person that you're having sex with right I mean it's it's just kind of a crazy topic yet we live in a world that is sex crazed they love to talk about it that's coming after us that want us to think about it and be obsessed with sex right so it's a sex crazed World they want us to think and talk about it, but when it comes to actually the God designed way it it becomes uncomfortable especially in the church right so we're going to be diving into this today guys uh Knee Deep uh we're going to be talking about again the beautiful design the way it was designed we're going to talk about the problem like is the big problem we're going to talk about some of the effects of men and what it's the some of the effects of if you're kneed deep or shallow deep what are the effects of this uh problem if you don't get a hold of it and then what do we do about it right I mean at the end of the day what is what's the action step how can we grow how can we be healthy Christian men business owners in this Arena of sex so we're going to talk about the beautiful design that God uh that God created sex I mean he created he could have did a lot of different things for us to um you know to make children right to multiply he told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply which means you need you need to have sex you need to have sex you need to have a lot of it and that's how he designed us to be fruitful and multiply he could have did a lot of different things Ian he could he could have said oh eat this plant and and and and be and have a baby right but he didn't he said be fruitful multiply and he not only did that he made it very pleasurable which means he wants you to have it and he wants us to have it often within the context so Genesis 1 128 be fruitful multiply he saw that it was also not good for man that man should be alone but he gave him Eve he gave him a helper um and he told them to to go out and to leave their mother and father uh Genesis 2:18 and God created sex and he made us into the these relational beings that we want that we have this the strong desire to have sex I mean I think that's that that's where some of the problems come because we have this hunger this desire to have sex and God gave us that so I want to ask you your opinion Genesis starting off Adam and Eve I want you to to have sex a lot and to multiply the Earths so what's your feedback just on on the design of how it all started, Michael?
Well it's uh a great picture so Adam and Eve uh the story there's a there's a lot to unpack there but I think for for for me what I what I love to U say is that is a mirror image Adam and Eve are actually a um a type of how our marriages should be with with our with our wife in that context of being fruitful and multiply so what having good intimate intimacy with your wife does um is it Shields you it Shields you from um from Temptation so if that that's aligned um and your focus is on your wife and your wife's focus is on you and your focus is on the uh and it is actually I I believe it's a command to be fruitful and multiply so it's a it's a it's this great so so all these Commandments some sometimes people read the Commandments and they read them as as a negative no there it's you know when it says Don't Lie that's a positive if you if you if you if you choose to tell the truth you're going to be you know your life will go well because you want to be hiding uh and you know committing more lies and the same thing is with sex be fruitful and multiply uh with your wife um the one that you cleave to um and have uh and and again you know sometimes and I I've read into this over time and I've been convinced that that God wants us to have children uh he wants us to build culture uh we you you nail it we have a we are in a sex crazed culture right now uh because we've got so so many things backwards and it's because um a lot of parents haven't done the good work of teaching and training their children about this wonderful uh thing that God gives us and what what it means um and so yeah I I I think that uh we should we should obey that command we should be fruitful and multiply and the multiplying is the the best part the most fun
I love that and I love what you said just just be fruitful multiply as the command I mean that's what he told you to do so if we really you know speak the truth we listen to his voice his voice says to be fruitful and multiply and and one of the things that I was just kind of like reading through as I was doing some research just on this particular topic obviously very biblical you will become one flesh right biblical uh man and wife you'll become one flesh so obviously sex right the whole Act of it becoming one flesh the oness of it the intimacy with it and it's so sacred because you do that with one person I mean you don't um you know go outside of that but if you really you know follow this and that's the only act that you can do with that one single person it becomes one of the most special special bonds that you become one I mean right and the whole one flesh it just makes it so sacred so special with you and your wife it strengthens communication right it's a way that you can communicate with your wife how much you care about them how much you want to serve them how much you love them um that you know by doing that and living living out that Purity and saying you're the you're the only one that I'm going to look at in this particular way it communicates that love to them I read that sex is a part of worship I mean again follow the commands if we we talk about being obedient to God well this is very obedient having sex with your uh wife uh and uh it can be a part of worship some of the most you know praying before uh you know me and my wife have the active sex uh you know talking about that communicating about it it's just again that obedient part of worship um and I just think it's just healthy so the the the backwards thing about the whole world is we have this sex praised culture and we love to talk about sex and the world definitely love to talk about sex outside of marriage I mean you watch any movie uh music video uh Billboards uh you go to the mall you know it's Christmas time you go to the mall you see all this stuff and and everything is speaking to you about sex outside of marriage but as soon as you talk about Mex uh sex in the confines of marriage people say oh it's boring uh they don't have sex like mared old married couples they don't even do that that's gross that's disgusting don't talk about that and it's just so it's just so crazy but the obedient thing to do to obey God is to have healthy consistent intimate passionate sex with your wife that is a design correct?
That that's the design and the uh and what the world teaches is so antithetical of to what actually is is um yes older married couples that love each other are still have are still intimate with each other that's a that's a fact that they love each other and um one of the things and and and is you know when you're young you you know you think um um as I grow old you're and this is this is true your your your wife in your eyes gets more beautiful and gets more precious as time goes on but the world and their standards of beauty says you know as you get older specifically a woman um they talk this is talked about all the time is is you know the only time the only uh ladies you'd see in the magazines are girls in their in their 20s uh or in their 30s and then after that it's you know you're you're too old you're thrown away by the world as a man and with a with a wife um your you know you your intimacy level only grows over time and and I I you know I've talked about this I don't mind sharing this is uh as we have grown older and gotten better uh at uh being more communicating and loving the Lord more our intim y level is stronger way stronger yeah and um and that's that is um I think that's consistent through all the couples that I talked to that love each other that that are committed to each other and um you know and stay and and stay within those Hedges of loving their wife and staying focused on on that that doesn't mean that these guys over here that that that I haven't tripped up uh but what happens when you do so uh what happens when um the the the world voles this temptation over the net what do you do um well you don't spend a lot of time on it in fact you Vol it volley it back right away you send it back you know if you're if you're being Tempted By by something or or you're you're clicking through you're scrolling through Instagram or you're or whatever it is um you you know you're you you have to rely on the fact that you know your intimacy is is focused on on your wife and you just Vol that Temptation back um what happens though Brett if you spend about five or six seconds looking at that that a little bit longer than you than you do well um let's be honest we you know you you you may have done something stupid you may haven't realized oh this is what this is then you volley it back you may need to confess it right away and then that's it you confess it right away and the way that the cross works is that Jesus died for every every every kind of sexual sin that's out there and so um for for men that are struggling with temptation you need to you need to rest on that all your lust all your unclean actions the guilt and the and the shame and uh maybe the despair that you're in if you have if you have fallen um it was nailed to a cross and you gota you got to get your mind wrapped around that and settled on that um and that's for for every every man uh that's that is uh if you're encountering this message today this is what you need to have your mind set on that that sin was nailed to a cross and then and then what do we do well you know Jesus has won that war for you so he's nailed it but uh you know what happens after war is sometimes you got to do the cleanup and that's the sanctification process and uh so um but uh in order to stay you know um intimate with your and and the focus on your wife you need to know that that the devil doesn't want you to do that he wants you to be like uh everybody else so he's gonna send he's gonna Vol some Temptation your way.
Yeah no, thanks for thanks for going in uh into that and uh we're going to dive into that uh just a little bit deeper uh for sure um and I want to just kind of get back to again you know we talked about this beautiful design of sex the god designed us uh for uh Purity and intimacy with with your wife um right and let's talk about you know the problem we talked about that this a little bit already and I think one of the biggest things that just to piggy back up what you said is we have again God designed us with this desire to have sex he gave us with sexual Hunger um and uh and he gave us that and uh just like any other desires that we have and again you talked about scrolling through and seeing something and lingering on it for 10 seconds what happens to your desire if it starts to get magnified so I think about one of my desires is I love to eat food right and sometimes I am really hungry like if I haven't eaten for a while I am extremely hungry and what happens if I go into a pizza parlor when I'm extremely hungry and I'm smelling the pizza and it smells so good does my desire raise or ises it shrink no it's like oh man I'm really hungry now and I got to eat same thing with lust if you start to look at something and you linger and you're you know walking by a billboard or you're on your internet and you look at it and you linger it grows just like your hunger to eat so the world and I think just to be aware what is going on we should be all be aware of what's going on the world plays on our desires I mean they they know our desires and they know we have a strong sexual desire and they want us to satisfy this desire they want to play on that desire because they know if they can play you they're going to win and they're going to Market to whatever they're trying to get out of you um right it might be your attention it might be your money whatever it is that's what they're trying to get and this is the problem um and I just did a couple of research just to kind of point this out there so again a lot of this news is not new but you know when I started looking through this it was just kind of astonishing number one they did a study and here was the astonishing thing men under 30 so young men uh near about 70% watch porn and here was not that's not the astonishing part I was like oh that's that's good they watch porn here's the astonishing part every day every single day they eat breakfast 20% of men under 30 eat breakfast porn every single day of their life now if you got a daughter out there or a son you got a good chance every single day of their life they are looking and actively participating and pursuing pornography what's that doing to their mind their heart their marriage what are their expectations going to follow uh doing that um so that's one Stat one and here's another one one in three men whether married or not watch porn weekly so married or not a weekly participating in pornography um so obviously uh in 2013 there was a study 450 million unique monthly visitors uh watched porn this is more than Netflix Amazon and Twitter combined I mean it is huge it's astonishing so here's the thing the problem men so we're talking to men mostly are obsessed with sex we have a strong desire for sex the world knows it and they're going to play it every single day and this is this is the problem so Mike you know you've obviously seen the stats you know the stats we've heard stories about the problem um any he just kind of feedback just on the problem as as we're gonna this is not going away this is just it's just going to get worse I mean you think like you look back you're like oh sexual ads oh that's back in the the 90s that does that that doesn't work anymore I mean it is not going away right it's just getting worse because here's the thing it all desensitizes us so they got to go farther they have to go deeper so now you can't go to a bookstore a magazine rack used to be you could go and look now you can't it's all right in front of your eyes so what do you say Mike?
Well uh so it's it's it's been a problem getting worse and worse and um you know I'm actually hopeful that at some point our culture changes and um you know we can uh you know we can we can all collectively say that this is so bad that it needs to go away but we're not we're not there um so what do we do in in the meantime if we ever get there if we ever get there praise God but it is um it's an absolute um um stay on society that that we we have basically a brothel on our phone at all times and once you you know once you um have a phone uh any any man a young man or a man that's what you have access to uh and so how do you how do you protect yourself but I mean the the the thing is is you went all over the statistics and even as you go deeper in the statistics and and you go into criminal behavior and um you know uh B behavior for for people who do really really bad things one of the common denominators uh is an addiction to porn um you know for for for the the folks that do the really the heinous most heinous crimes to Children it is it is a common denominator that they are addicted to pornography and it may start off that you just are looking at what you think is just recreational stuff by the world standards and you go like you said deeper into deeper into um uh into the well and you don't want to go there um so lust in that way uh for every man you can you can look at this lust steals your strength it steals your resolve it steals your your ability to protect your wife and your family um and it will ultimately it it's a it's a when when unfettered and unchecked and un and unrepented of it will consume everything it will and it will it will wreck you. So that's that's kind of my thoughts on it um but um uh but there is hope. There is hope
Amen amen and I was just kind of like doing a little bit more research before we really go into the effects of this and you talked about this already Michael but I was kind of just fascinated that uh you know obviously sexual immorality has been around since since the beginning right I mean Biblical times I mean you see some of the things some of the you know main characters of The Bible uh had a lot of Destruction through sexual immorality um and I was kind of like reading through that but uh as far as like visual um pornography as we've been talking about like I said in 1969 blue movie became the first film to depict unsimulated sex and and that and it was kind of like baffling because that wasn't even that long ago like some of the visual things we think about even when we were kids like it was hard to access uh pornography very you know harder like he had to go into something or have your older brother or something you know try to do something they were barriers barriers yeah but now obviously again you know some of the things uh that I've even witnessed is I'm going Christmas shopping uh I go into my looking for my teen daughter and I see pictures on the walls of very sexual images um or to the bookstore and I'm looking for you know maybe a Christian book or a business book and I have to walk past the book with the woman with no clothes on and I'm like I don't you know I don't want that and and I try to shy away from that so again the world is after our desire for sex um and uh and they know that we lust right um so let's just go into the effects of of this particularly so we've heard many stories about about the destruction and I want to talk about you know obviously family uh churches I want to even get into the workplace because we're talking about a lot of business guys here and and they might say oh you know it doesn't affect this part of my life it doesn't affect my work right um so I want to talk about that but Proverbs 6:32 uh says one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense he who would destroy himself commits it uh so talked about we know the Commandment do not commit adultery um and uh and if you do you could destroy yourself you will destroy yourself if you commit it so let's talk about adultery for a little bit um you know what does adultery mean are you and people might say I'm not committing adultery I'm not having an affair uh with anybody uh but in Matthew 5 uh right Jesus is saying you uh should not should not commit adultery but I say that anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart so again adultery magnified in the Bible and then Christ comes along and says you know if you look if you think about someone sexually if you think about having sex with that person then you actually already did it you already commit in adultery so that kind of puts again the heart the mind um and then going back to Proverbs the destruction um so again I talked about the beginning the most beautiful thing and I think you you've said this before a fire within the conines of a fireplace or a fire pit which we love at iron deep events we have the fire pit going uh is a is a very beautiful thing uh but if I would take that fire and light it you know in a forest in the dry season it can be completely destructive and Destroy uh many lives so I'll stop there uh Mike can you give the effects you talked about a lot of the criminal Behavior you know it starts off with this thinking it's innocent and then becomes extremely destructive in men's lives
Yes so the the the gentleman that maybe you have a business or maybe you're working for somebody and you and you maybe have a um you just start um um you you you start justifying or not justifying let's say you you you don't take Jesus's standard seriously that lust just lusting after somebody just looking at somebody that may be walking in and then thinking about uh that person that that woman in a way uh where it is sexual in nature that is that is Jesus's standard of adultery and let's say you consistently do that um uh and then you start looking at porn I mean the the uh at maybe at the office uh it's a the the destruction comes it doesn't come right away it never comes right away uh it'd be it it it would be uh it'd be good for us that it that it did or I would not total Destruction but just enough warning to go hey you're you're in trouble here you better go go to go and go spend some time in a closet repenting of that sin but the destruction always comes later and it and it will come if unrepentant sin goes unchecked then uh it's the fire it's the fire in the in the wilderness or or or in the forest where over time no one's done the the cleanup of the forest land and and all the all the fall the leaves from the last 10 years this is what happened in you you you had a great word picture because this is what happened in in East Tennessee about three years ago uh the land they they forgot to do the Land Management at a certain place and uh a fire just ripped through this the town in East Tennessee or ripped through this area in East Tennessee and everything was was gone and um that's what happened happens when unrepentant lust goes unchecked it will destroy your career your family um and everything in its past relationships not just with your your wife with your your children I mean I watched this personally in in in my life my parents got divorced um and that was one of the main reasons is is uh um you know they the my my father was not um um he he was not faithful to my mother and it destroyed uh a lot relationships and ultimately destroyed a a good portion of his of his of his life um he was later repentant of it but it you know I watched that in real time and struggled to and struggled until I um understood uh what scripture says scripture in in in in a way you know you're always um you never want to go through pain like that but then when you get in the Scripture it illuminates hey this is this is why this pain came and this is how to to avoid it uh in the future um and so like we're all uh we all have stories and we all know uh this but it seemed like scripture came alive um as you're reading through Proverbs as you're reading about what David and Bathsheba did. uh what what David did to bathsheba and then the the subsequent um results of that uh it it is it is consistent God is God always does the right thing and he always is is just uh and for the unrepentant adulterer there will be um repercussions
no definitely whether in this life or uh the next and uh did a couple of other studies you talked about the your own family the divorce rate 2004 there was a study Dr Jill Manning found that 56% of divorce cases typically involved one party having obsessive interest in porn um so again very divorce cases magnified uh porn increases marital infidelity by 300% again 300% wow you don't you don't think that you start off small and then you act out. So even in you know other lives and and even in my own life you know I'll ask you this uh lust sexual immorality it destroys intimacy like we've talked about it destroys intimacy with God like imagine you know watching porn and then praying, can you do that right and not being uh repentant uh of that? So again it destroys it puts that that roadblock that any any sin right we're just talking about this puts that block between you and God. Can you be intimate with your wife can you be fully known with your wife and a can you go and and and make love to your wife after you just watched porn? I don't believe that you can be fully there and known when you do that. So it blocks intimacy with your family and your wife you talked about your kids uh you know raising up Sons can I really say, "Hey you have to live with this Pure Heart son when dad's over here watching porn," or or or looking lustfully at women right. So it blocks all of that it blocks the intimacy and you guys know that um I want to talk about the workplace a little bit uh there was a book in 2009 Michael lehy uh wrote a book porn at work exposing the office's number one addiction uh 70% of all online porn access occurs during 9 to5 on work days and again this is starting to affect the workplace and people might say it doesn't affect my work um but I want to ask you this Michael uh we're both in real estate and I want to partner with you Michael on a deal and this deal comes up and I said, you know, I want to partner with you Michael let's buy this deal together let's go all in baby, but you know I'm addicted to porn. What do you want to do?
Yeah yeah yeah so let's say but let's let's let's say um they're um doing a doing a great deal with a you know I I hesitate to use this word but we'll use it in this context doing a let's do it's a great real estate deal or it's a great business opportunity with a bad person always it never works out and uh well let's you know and your job is is uh uh you know as a first and foremost as you know let's say that in this in this scenario I I know that um you know uh scripture tells me as a brother in Christ um I'm supposed to lead you and to help you repent of that sin not do not do deals with you not not in and because knowing knowing what I know if uh that that that will ultimately destroy this person unless they um uh repent of it and can start confessing it and start taking let letting letting Jesus take care of that sin um then I may be part of the the the blowback of some of that um um you know some of that destruction so the answer would be no and if you're an employer and let's say you're employed and you find out one of your employees is doing that they have every to fire you and they should fire you um and if you're an employee and you're you're doing that on your employer's time um and this is kind of like this you would you need to U you need to repent of that and you may you may um you may need to um um let them know um and take the repercussions of that that's what we call owning it um because you are uh if you're doing that on somebody else's time you are not only you know you're destroying yourself and you're stealing from your employer.
Yeah, amen and uh I think I heard that one time was like you know would you ever partner with a guy that was cheating on his wife right I mean uh in in a business deal and uh I mean a lot the answer is no I mean you know it's it's just that trust Factor so this can affect uh your your workplace I was talking to a guy yesterday godly man and he lives in New York and works for a big Financial um Institute uh but said just the environment there the climate is just very ungodly he said you know if they want you to take your client to a strip club you take him to a strip club and his said his ethics and his Christian walk is really getting um scrutinized over there because he doesn't want to do that right um because of his uh faith in Christ so again we've seen destruction uh if if we don't get a hold of this and you're not convicted of this uh then you know it it it is going to reap destruction in your life like the Bible talks about so last we're going to talk about just you know what's the action steps I mean as Christian men uh one of the things we want to do here at iron deep is just to be raw and honest uh me and Michael both are in this the same boat as as you guys number one uh I have to check myself um I never drift and you never drift toward Purity uh if we just live in the world and go through the motions and we're not intentional and we just drift we always will drift towards lust because the world is enticing you so much that if you're not bouncing away and you're not intentional about walking this out and that pure heart and that pure mind you will drift toward lust which can lead to destruction so uh so the last just section here is yeah what do we do about it what are some tools some resources sources uh for the men out there that could be in the deep end where daily they are stuck like we talked about in the stats weekly that they're doing something um or it could just be the shallow end where maybe they're not watching porn uh but they have the mindset is when a woman does walk in that they like to linger um they like to to think about her or if they go somewhere and they see certain things they you know they have that and and they look a couple of different times they look at the menu but don't touch that's their mindset right um right so maybe they're in that end maybe they're in the shallow end or um even the men that think that this is not their problem that they got this thing licked um the men that have that uh posture uh that they don't have to be intentional anymore that they licked this thing a long time ago so tools resources you know what do we do about it Michael I'll kind of let you start off
Well let's let's start with the worst case scenario, so this is for if you're listening to this and and you're Knee Deep not Knee Deep you're you're in the deep end of it um and you're married and you've been you've been consuming porn uh you're one of those statistics that we just talked about um well again one of the things you need to anchor on is that Jesus Christ died for that sin and and he if you confess it with your mouth he will forgive that sin um because that's what he does that's the beautiful thing and you um you can rest in that now um you have this you have a wife what do you do with your your spouse well your your job number one is to protect her um but she needs to know so uh because they uh because not only you've Sinn against God and ultimately you you sinned against God ultimately but you also sinned against your wife and if she does doesn't know um that's a that's a difficult but good that that's a conversation you need to have in order for you uh to move forward intimately and to have uh that relationship your wife she needs to know and so you need to um you know my my advice would is if you don't know how to talk to your wife and you and if you're in church you need to get with your a trusted Pastor to help you do that maybe um but ultimately she needs to know and the risk is um the risk is that uh you know we talked about the standard the standard is that's adultery um and uh you know now she has she has biblical grounds to get a divorce that's that's a that that is risky but uh if you if you trust the Lord and and and ask your wife for forgiveness um uh I I believe the Lord will bless that I I believe you will um but there is there's always risk to that uh but in order to find uh to get peace from it you need to get forgiveness and so you have to be walk through that and then there's there's things you you have to do after that you have to start um your spiritual formation to make sure that um to help you um not fall into these Temptations so what's that mean that means you may have to have blops special uh web blockers on your phone and and your computer you need to um you know you you have to humble yourself and and do those things you may have to get an accountability partner um there there are all sorts of uh you know other other tools that that you may need but you have to start there you have to start with knowing that Christ forgave that sin and that he forgives you and anchor yourself to that and then you have to protect your wife um and what I mean by that too is is this is Guy this is guy for the deep end um you know she's there to help you and protect you and if and um uh but you know I it's one of those things that you may not want to share the the whole the deepness of it you need to share what's appropriate so that's what I would do if I was in the in the deep end and um you know and also if you're in the deep end too like you you know you can reach out to us too and we can have a conversation offline I think Brett and I would you know would would love to help you but let's say you're in the shallow end though you know you're just you know every now and then you're you know you're consuming it but it's it's not it's not that big of a deal where you're you're real close to the deep end so um you need to repent of that um and you need to repent of that and and um you also May to do the same things that the person does in the in the in the deep end um and you know but for the guy that's you know that's walking and he's just he's he's saying things like yeah I'm going to look at the menu but I'm I'm not going to you know I'm not going to consume anything off the menu that's also sin that's that's the standard so um you know I would I would think that the the best thing for any male to do is to um is to how do you love the Lord will you love the Lord by spending time with him by repenting of him uh by reading his word by praying with him and by worship and this is key uh we've lost this in our society and our culture uh we worship men are worshiping at the altar of sex um and we need to focus our if we focus our worship on God if we on on Jesus um then that's what we will worship and so we need to spend time you know in the in in God's word in prayer going to church but also participating in in worship full out uh sing those songs Let it you know let it let the worship uh of of Christ work itself through you um so those are things that that that uh come to mind you know as as hey here's here's what to do if you're you're you're you're in this trouble
Yeah, I love that. Those are some great uh some great feedback great tips uh great resources a couple things just to kind of piggyback on that so I think uh you know what maybe what's the first thing uh to do and I think again confess and repent I think is is just that first step. So maybe it's not uh your wife right now, but maybe it's it's it's you know call us call up the Iron Deep Michael myself or maybe it's a friend or maybe it's a pastor of of someone that you can just start to get this secret out. Just get get it out and confess and repent, and that's that's a good starting point. Talking to someone that maybe has gone through this uh another thing is you know really what iron deep is is all about is trying to get that Community together of guys that you know no judgment let's be honest and let's let's just help each other grow wherever you're at maybe you're deep shallow and it could be this it could be something else but it's just like how do we get healthy uh how do we grow uh consistently um some other tools and books that I have is uh obviously start with the word of God uh but some other books that I've um you know one book that I read back in the day was just Every Man's Battle by Stephen Arterburn. I think that's a great book for someone that is is deep in shallow end uh it's just a great book of every man can struggle with lust if he's not intentional if he's drifting he's going to struggle it could be porn it could be the jogger it could be the billboard whatever um that you do drift in that particular direction so another thing thing that I just wrote on here is we talked about at the beginning what's God's design um this actually talks about in Every Man's Battle is if you do bounce your eyes away and flee from Temptation a lot of your hunger and energy uh and your desire goes more if you are married for your wife um so what happens is that can you have a healthy consistent sex life uh with your wife because if you that's where the whole beauty of God design comes in if you do start to live this pure narrow road your sex life with your wife becomes beautiful I mean beautiful because that's where you can explore and you know let out your desires and her desires with each other with the one flesh that God designed to be so having that healthy consistent sex life with your wife is is great and communicating uh about it um and I would also just kind of say you know what are your triggers what what are those times that you know that you could struggle with in the past uh and can you replace those so again you can't just empty out your you know some of these times but can you replace them with healthy behaviors can you replace those times that you did look at porn or that you did struggle can you replace them with worship can you replace them with another activity that is healthy um you know reading the word or maybe getting together with a friend uh I know for me in the past some of my triggers are when I'm alone if my wife is out or I'm on a trip I know a lot of men struggle in those particular moments so when you're in those situations what can you do to replace uh those particular moments so that's just an example um yeah so I think support groups books you know obviously the word of God repent confess if you are married having that consistent healthy lifestyle and and uh I think you know what the world says oh you're gonna miss out on all this flesh filled desires and I'll say man if you're if you're married it's going to be so magnified if you can you know have the fire in the fireplace so uh so that's really what we have for you guys today uh Michael you got any just final words? I know this was just a very impactful particular podcast episode that will be out for years to come, that men, whether you're listening this today or 20 years from today uh I think it's going to be just G to help you and be super impactful. But any final words you want to wrap up with?
Well we began it and ended it with the remedy, which is if you're married and your intimacy with your wife if you concentrate on God's design for marriage if you cleave to your wife and you're fruitful there, then you're right, it does. The desires um it it hones into into that and good things come of it this is how um and so I want to leave people with this is families uh a a family uh is is a is is a unit um and when when sex is uh correctly aligned in that family that family is blessed so I want to also leave you with another reason to deal with this sin because when I mean your family is blessed is if you're if you're a man now and you've got a family and you're in this sin then think about okay I I I don't need this I don't need to get get out of this mess just for me it's for it's it's going to bless everybody else uh in my family and then and then and in turn it's going to bless the culture uh and so uh yep that's what I got.
I love that. I love that. Well this is a wrap, and I hope you guys enjoyed this particular episode with Iron Deep. Again don't be afraid to to hop on the iron deep website fill out the contact information. I just talked to a gentleman this morning that filled out the form and we set up an appointment to chat. I mean this is what really what we're here for. We're looking for men that want to grow in their faith, that want to grow in their families, and really want to grow in their businesses as well. This is what we're all about: helping us sharpen each other and just build that deep connection with God and each other. So thank you guys so much. Thanks Michael. We'll see you guys next time.
